Over the last couple of days at work, I’ve spent a lot of time watching DVD’s. One of our projects this year is to develop a DVD about access to health care for women with disabilities, and we’re in the process of choosing a production company. We’re looking through samples of work produced by the companies applying to work with us, so I’ve watched everything from films about disability rights to a TV commercial for Holden cars. The first DVD I happened to pick from the pile on my desk was “Untold Desires”, a documentary focusing on disability and sexuality. Personally, the film was confronting to watch for a number of reasons, and raised a lot of questions with no easy answers.

As the documentary opens, we meet Cam, a man who communicates using a communication device that reads what he types. Cam also has a physical disability, and lives in supported accomodation. He tells us of his experiences of going to a brothel. It took some time for him to find a staff member who was willing to take him. Later in the film, we learn that he did have a girlfriend once, who had a similar disability to his. When they wanted to do anything physical, they required assistance from staff members, something which they both felt awkward about but they had no other choice.

Another woman talks about how she feels less of a person when it comes to relationships. She is in a wheelchair and her husband is able-bodied. When they decided to get married, a number of his friends often commented: “why are you going out with someone like her? What are you marrying her for?” as if the fact that she was in a wheelchair made her less attractive.

These stories, along with the many others told in the film, not only say so much about what’s wrong with our society, but highlight the complexity of moral issues, demonstrating that there are no black and white, one size fits all answers to these issues.

We live in a society where sex is regarded as a right, not a gift, where relationships are things of convenience that can be discarded when we don’t want them, like clothes that don’t fit us anymore. As a Christian, I want to wait until marriage for sex, and idea that is less than fashionable today. It’s certainly not compatible with the “if it feels good, do it” model that many of us seem to live by. However, many people with disabilities can’t even go on a date let alone think about the idea of marriage. The documentary highlighted that in many group homes and institutions, visitors were only allowed in public spaces and had to leave by 10:00PM. When someone asked about having privacy with a partner, they were told that they should “go somewhere else if they wanted to do that sort of thing”. Or, they were told that they had to wait until they were married. But there would be no hope of marriage if there were no opportunities to form relationships in the first place. with negative attitudes towards relationships with people with disabilities such as the ones I’ve highlighted, it’s no wonder that people are resorting to brothels. And herein lies another problem.

If brothels and the porn industry continue to thrive, the objectification of women will also continue. People with and without disabilities who choose to pay for sex need to begin thinking beyond the fulfillment of their own needs. Both parties may feel wanted or valued, at least for a short time, but how can these relationships grow and be truly meaningful?
A number of sex workers are now being trained to work specifically with people with disabilities. They feel priveleged to be helping people who are often excluded from intimate relationships. As in other areas of life, it is not the disability that excludes a person, but others’ attitudes about the disability. If people with disabilities choose to see a sex worker, I can’t imagine how this encourages a positive change in these attitudes.
From what I’ve read, and based on the conversations I’ve had, it seems there are two dominant attitudes towards having a relationship with someone who has a disability. “I’m happy to be friends with them, but wouldn’t want to take it further. It would be too difficult.” Or: “I’m so desperate so I’ll take whatever I can get.” Both views take away a person’s self-worth, the first implying that disability is unattractive and a burden, and the second has objectification and disrespect written all over it.
Somehow, the cycle needs to be broken.

I'm putting my Surrender Conference posts on hold for a little longer as there are other things on my mind I would like to post about, and questions I would like to ask you.

I think it's safe to say there are times in all our lives when we wear masks to hide something we don't want people to see. Some people wear them all the time, while others wear them occasionally, and then there are some who don't wear them at all - what you see is what you get - but this is rare.
When I was living in college a few years ago, we had a masquerade ball towards the end of the year. I bought a mask covered in glitter, sequens, beads and feathers. Everyone eagerly looked at each others' masks as we filed into our Harry Potter style dining hall for dinner. It was a fun night, but once it was over I took off my mask and threw it in a drawer, never to be used again. I'm not sure what's happened to that mask. I expect it got thrown away during a move, perhaps given to the salvos, and now it's probably worse for wear with its feathers and beads falling off.

A similar thing happens with our metaphorical masks. They eventually start to break. We might be able to patch them up for a while, or we may even make a real effort and create a new one. Sometimes people give us masks in the form of an image we should conform to, or expectations we feel we have to meet.

A common mask, often invisible to others but very real nonetheless, is the "I've got it all together mask". I'm sure you know the one - it's likely that you've put it on at one time or another. Perhaps you're a high achiever but you failed an exam recently, and you pretend that everything's fine so you don't have to tell the truth. Maybe you're a person of faith and you have questions about your beliefs that you're afraid to ask, so you make people think your faith is stronger than ever.

I've experienced anxiety and depression since I was 12 years old. There are certain things which trigger it which I won't go into here. Yes, i've decided to take off my "got it together" mask, but I'm not quite ready to throw it away completely just yet! Anyway, when it first started I didn't really know what was going on. I had no idea how to articulate my feelings clearly. When i did try and explain it to people they thought I was weird and didn't want to know about it, or they tried to understand but didn't know what to say or how to help. So I learned to hide it well for the most part, and i only took off the mask with certain people - a small select few. I eventually started receiving psychological counselling, and i still do today, but it took a number of years for me to find the courage to take that step.

Some of you reading may be surprised that I've decided to publicly blog about this. Like seeking help, it's also taken me a long time to get to the point where i feel I'm able to write honestly about my experiences. I decided to write because I'm tired of the stigma that still surrounds mental health. Having said that, we've come a long way over the past few years with public campaigns from organisations such as Beyond Blue*. On the radio earlier there was an interview with someone experiencing post-natal depression. This public recognition and awareness raising about mental health is fantastic - it's important and it should continue. However, despite this there is still fear around discussing our wellbeing, especially amongst our friends and peers. When you receive responses ranging from "can't you just get over it?" to "you just need to trust God more because he takes away sadness and fear", no wonder people are hesitant to remove their masks and be real, open and honest with each other. This needs to change, so writing this post is my contribution to creating that change. Personally, my "together" mask is broken and I don't particularly feel like repairing it again! :)
In taking it off, I'll tell you that yes, there are some mornings when I'll wake up and start crying for no reason. There are times when I become incredibly anxious in social situations, and sometimes I won't go to things because I don't have the mental energy required to do it. A couple of months ago when I realised my "together" mask wasn't holding up so well, I made the decision to move in with my parents while I get back on my feet again. In writing this I'm not looking for sympathy or pity. Going through stuff like this isn't fun, but I'm gradually learning to accept it and grow from it, sometimes reluctantly and sometimes willingly, depending on my circumstances.

So, what masks are you wearing and what are you trying to hide? Maybe it's a mental health thing, or maybe there's something else going on that's difficult. Is your mask getting a little frayed around the edges, and is it time to think about removing it? I respect that this can be difficult, even for yourself let alone in the presence of others. i'm not asking you to comment on this, but to give it some consideration and think about how we can begin creating a world where people can be who they are without fear or judgment.

* Beyond Blue, the National Depression and Anxiety Initiative: www.beyondblue.org.au

People who use their eyes to acquire information about the world are called sighted people or “people who are sighted”. Legal sight means any visual acuity
greater than 20/200 in the better eye without correction or an angle of vision wider than 20 degrees.

Sighted people enjoy rich, full lives working, playing and raising families. They run businesses, hold public offices, get arrested and teach your children!

How do Sighted People get Around?

People who are sighted may walk or ride public transportation but most choose to travel long distances by operating their own motor vehicles, usually one
passenger to a car. They have gone through many hours of extensive training to learn the rules of the road in order to further their independence. Once
that road to freedom has been mastered, sighted people earn a legal classification and a drivers license which allows them to operate a private vehicle
relatively safely and independently.

How do you assist a sighted person?

Sighted people are accustomed to viewing the world in visual terms. This means that in many situations they will not be able to communicate orally and may
resort to stammering, pointing, hand waving or other gesturing. Subtle facial expressions may also be used to convey feelings in social situations. Calmly
alert the sighted person to his or her surroundings by speaking slowly in a normal tone of voice. Questions directed at the sighted person help focus attention
back on the verbal rather than the merely visual.

How do sighted people remember things?

Often they don’t remember things. In fact this is one of the most painful aspects of the visual affliction, the degree to which sight inhibits detailed
memory. Often, the sighted person must reacquire the same information each time it is needed. You can help by being sensitive to their struggle by learning
to anticipate their need and providing them with the information they need when it is necessary. Don’t tell them too much too quickly. Be sensitive to
the capacities of the individual with whom you are dealing. These limitations vary from person to person and it is deeply upsetting to a sighted person
to realize that you recognize their mental short comings.

At times sighted people may need help finding things, especially when operating a motor vehicle. Your advance knowledge of routs and landmarks, bumps in
the road, and traffic lights will assist the sighted person in finding their way quickly and easily. Your knowledge of building layouts can also assist
the sighted person in navigating complex shopping malls and office buildings. Sighted people tend to be very proud and are reluctant to ask for assistance.
Be gentle yet firm.

How do sighted people use computers?

The sighted person relies exclusively on visual information. His or her attention span fades quickly when reading long texts so it is best to write in bulleted
lists of very brief items. The use of bright colours will help the sighted person stay focused. Computer information is presented to the sighted in a graphical
manner to assist them in comprehending their world. Coordination of hands and eyes is often a preoccupation with sighted people so the computer mouse,
a handy device that slides along the desk top, saves confusing keystrokes. With one button the sighted person can move around his or her computer screen
quickly and easily, if not necessarily efficiently. People who are sighted are not accustomed to synthetic speech and may have great difficulty understanding
even the clearest synthesizer, falling asleep between syllables or becoming distracted by a spot on the carpet. Be patient and prepared to explain many
times how your computer works.

How do sighted people read?

Reading is accomplished by the sighted person through a system called “print,” which is a series of images drawn in a two dimensional plain.
People who are sighted generally have a poorly developed sense of touch.
Braille is completely foreign to them and severe bouts of disorientation can sometimes result from over exposure to the use of the higher senses.

Sighted people cannot function well in dimly lit conditions and are generally completely helpless and often devastatingly frightened in total darkness.
Their homes are usually very brightly lit at great expense as are businesses that cater to the sighted. Naturally these costs are passed on to the consumer.

How can I support the sighted person?

People who are sighted do not want your charity. They want to live, work, and play alongside you on as equal a basis as possible. You must ignore their
tendency to display feelings that they are superior to you.
Failing to allow them this delusion may promote aberrant and antisocial behaviour. The best thing you can do to support sighted people in your community
is to simply open yourself to their world and help open their limited world to the bounty of your experience. These citizens are vital contributing members
of the community, real people with thoughts and feelings, hopes and dreams and a story to tell. Take a sighted person to lunch today and make them feel
like you truly care.

Author Unknown

I'm interrupting the Surrender blog post series to bring you a very important and overdue announcement.
A couple of months back i posted the text from an email I wrote to Vision Australia regarding their use of language to encourage people to donate. I received a response a few weeks ago, but what with moving house and various other things going on, I completely forgot about it.

Dear Lauren 

Firstly apologies in the delay in responding to your email regarding our current Spring Campaign and thank you for sharing your thoughts, we welcome all
feedback at Vision Australia. 

We are deeply concerned that you found our ‘language’ to be offensive as we pride ourselves on being an organisation that gives the utmost respect to the
clients we serve.  Sincere apologies for any offense taken. 

You may be aware that there are over 44,000 charities in Australia each telling their heartfelt stories about the people they support.  All the research
we’ve undertaken when planning our appeals confirms categorically that people respond better and more generously when they are moved by the needs of people
needing the services a charity offers. 

We are very careful to ensure that we try to find that balance of creating the emotion response needed to give now while not portraying people who are blind
as helpless or hopeless.   

The public simply will not give as much to a charity that says everything is positive and we just need more money to continue doing what we are doing. This
is just not the trigger for giving or giving more.  And more we need.  Our donors need to identify with an immediate, real need. They must understand  that
there is some urgency to our appeals and how reliant we are on their generosity to help as many people as we do.  

So far the responses for the Spring Appeals have been very positive and we hope to reach our targets in a market that continues to challenge the entire
not-for-profit sector. 

I do hope you are able to appreciate the ‘science’ behind what we do as it is all to raise funds to help the ever increasing number of people needing the
services of Vision Australia around the country.

Best regards,
(a staff member from the VA Marketing Department)

I was rather disappointed in this response. However, I had a conversation recently with the person who initially forwarded my email to marketing, and learned I wasn't the only one who had submitted a complaint. VA's client representative council met a couple of weeks ago and i understand that this issue was on their agenda. This particular staff member I spoke with is also sympathetic to the cause, so that was encouraging. I'm waiting to hear from him regarding the outcome of the CRC Meeting. I understand that the web design team are going to review the website's content, so this is a positive start.

We arrived at Belgrave Heights just as I’d defrosted. I braced myself for the cold as we got out of the car, and headed to the registration office. I was warmly welcomed by the conference organisers – it was nice to finally meet the people I’d been corresponding with by email and phone over the past couple of weeks. Our next stop was to the slum site which was to be my home for the weekend. I was introduced to our “Slum Lord”, Matt, his fiance Ashlee, and Ruby and Andy, my fellow slum dwellers. I was surprised that the group was so small. Matt explained that a lot of people find the idea of Slum Survivor appealing, but getting them to sign up is a different matter. The slum was being built when I arrived… by the boys. “Just relax for a while and let them do all the work,” said Ashlee as we sat and watched the construction taking place. Our slum, which consisted of wooden planks, plastic sheeting and cardboard, was divided into two sections – one for the boys and one for the girls. Its roof was at about waist height, and at first it felt very claustrophobic inside, but I gradually got used to the space. We were only just going to fit all 5 of us in lying down. I had a feeling it was going to be rather cosy.

( Read more... )

“It’s very fashionable to talk about the poor but not as fashionable to talk to the poor.”
— Mother Theresa
This is a quote I came across when I first stumbled upon the website of Surrender.
Earlier this year in my search for a church, I came across a link to a website that was promoting a conference at which Shane Claiborne would be the keynote speaker. I wrote an entry about one of Shane’s books here. I clicked on the conference page and was taken to the website of Surrender. I clicked the “About” link and read the following text:

What’s SURRENDER all about ?
“-Jesus came to bring the good news to the poor, not to those who serve the poor! I think we can only truly experience the presence of God, meet Jesus, receive the good news, in and through our own poverty, because the kingdom of God belongs to the poor, the poor in spirit, the poor who are crying out for love.”
— Jean Varnier
“It’s very fashionable to talk about the poor but not as fashionable to talk to the poor.”
— Mother Theresa
SURRENDER is a message (and a conference!) that invites and encourages Jesus followers on a journey from believer to disciple. It’s an invitation to follow Jesus among the poor, to influence the broader climate of church opinion and sow seeds for the future of incarnational mission. SURRENDER does this by focusing primarily on inspiring young adults to engage directly with God through the bible, people facing oppression and fellow disciples on the road. Out of this comes opportunities to join mission groups/organizations, to encourage the broader church to engage the world facing injustice and to financially support communities and individuals already doing these things.
SURRENDER exists to see people moved from interest to action by becoming personally involved in different expressions of Christ’s mission amongst the poor – joining or forming covenant communities, serving the poor in Australia or in developing world countries and advocating on behalf of the voiceless.
SURRENDER also creates space and time for a ‘gathering of the tribes’. A coming together of those already committed to and involved in incarnational mission amongst the poor. Also at the heart of SURRENDER is our desire to continue to provide a platform for voices from poor and disadvantaged communities, especially Aboriginal and regional Indigenous peoples.

I was entrigued, and proceeded to read just about every link on the entire site. This didn’t strike me as being your usual type of Christian conference. I sensed, as I read the conference info and watched the youtube clips, that I was not being invited to have a mountaintop faith experience after which I’d go home and be “on fire for God” for a while, and then go back to how I usually experienced life. This was often the case with conferences or Christian events I’ve been too. Instead, this was an invitation to share a journey with others and with God which involved mountains, valleys and everything in between. I had a strong sense that this was something I was meant to go to, regardless of whether or not I could find people to go with. I hate going to things on my own where I don’t know anyone. I asked some people from my bible study if they were interested, praying that at least one person would say yes. It seemed that everyone had other commitments that weekend. It looked like I would have to resort to Plan B, so I started convincing myself that going on my own was a good idea. But what if no one helped me? I’d never been to this particular conference venue before, which had camping grounds as well as the conference centre. Where would I stay? Would people be willing to give me assistance if it was needed?

I looked at the accomodation options on the Surrender website. I could bring a tent, or stay in a cabin with or without a bathroom, depending on how much I could afford. I don’t own a tent, so that ruled out the first option. I could stay in a cabin, but what would they be like? Would I be with a bunch of random people or on my own? Would it be easy to learn my way from the accomodation to the conference venues? In my previous conference experiences, orrientation and mobility was often difficult due to the fact there were so many people. It was generally easier, and quicker, to be guided. The conference was over by the time I learned my way around. The solution to these problems came when I saw the final accomodation option: Slum Survivor. This is an initiative of Tear Australia, and is designed to give participants an idea of what it would be like to live in a slum community. It would mean staying in the one set of clothes for an entire weekend, eating 2 meals a day of rice and lentils, and probably getting dirty. I’d experienced something similar to this on year 8 camp for an entire week. Surely this wouldn’t be any worse than that… would it? Sure, I wouldn’t know anyone, but it wouldn’t take long to become friends since we’d practically be living in each other’s pockets for 24/7. Nothing like jumping in the deep end… but I wasn’t quite ready to jump. I emailed the conference organisers to enquire about attendingn and participating in Slum Survivor, and to ask about what assistance, if any, might be available, and if the conference matterials were in alternative formats. I was surprised to receive a positive response along the lines of: “let us know what you need and we’ll do our best to help you”. I then got in touch with Tear regarding Slum Survivor, and again, the organisers were more than happy to help. So, with some hesitation, and at the same time knowing that going to Surrender was something I had to do, I went online and registered.

The week leading up to Surrender arrived and my anxiety about going increased. I seriously considered pulling out… and then on Wednesday, two days before Surrender began, I woke up with a sore throat. As annoying as this was it came as a blessing. Rather than being anxious about going to the conference, I concentrated my efforts on trying to ward off whatever bug had entered my system. On Thursday afternoon I headed out to Mitchem to stay with friends so I didn’t have as far to travel the next morning. I stocked up on vitamins, lozengers and tissues, praying I’d mirraculously get better by the next morning as I sniffed and spluttered my way through the train station.

I awoke early the next morning to find that God had made other plans. I groaned, took some more vitamins and dragged myself to the kitchen for some toast and vegemite, my last meal until that evening.
Slum dwellers were required to be at the convention centre by 7:30! 7:30 AM? What sort of time do you call that, I thought, as my friend and I raced out the door to her car. As usual, I was running late, and we arrived at the station to find the train pulling out. Once I said goodbye to my friend, I called the Surrender staff to let them know I’d be late, as they were giving me a lift. First awkward moment of the day: I woke them up! I hate being deprived of sleep, so I felt awful. The sleepy voice at the end of the phone didn’t seem to mind though, and promised someone would be waiting for me on my arrival at Bellgrave station. As I sat on the freezing platform waiting for the next train, I wondered, again, what I was getting myself into.

About an hour later I got off the train and found myself on a fairly deserted platform. I listened for some sort of cue that might inform me of which way I was supposed to walk to get to the station exit. I could vaguely hear some traffic off to my left, so I started walking down the platform. I soon came to a slope, which seemed to be an exit but I had a feeling it wasn’t the right one. A man then came up to me and asked if I required assistance. I was right… I had walked in the wrong direction, and was heading towards Puffing Billy (a tourist steam train). “I didn’t think you wanted to go there,” said the random helpful guy. “It doesn’t open for another couple of hours.” Second awkward moment for the day. He walked me out to the bus shelter and found a Surrender poster which marked the designated pick up spot for people who neded lifts. It was ridiculously cold for March, more like winter than early autumn. Eventually a car pulled up and to my relief it was someone from Surrender. I got in and we headed off. As my body thawed out we talked a bit about what was in store for the weekend, the weather, etc, and my nerves started to come back. This was it. I couldn’t get out of it now, not without people thinking I was a bit weird anyway. My Surrender experience was about to begin.

We all know that charities love to play on peoples' emotions as a way of getting them to offer financial support - it's a fantastic marketing strategy. I'm not sure how I feel about this, but I am sure there's a wrong way and a right way of going about the process. What's right or wrong is fairly subjective, depending on how you view the causes to which you're giving. If the organisation uses language that casts a negative light on the people it supports, or helps to maintain stereotypes about them, then this is where you start running into problems.

I can't write a lot as I'm on my lunch break. Instead, I thought I'd post the text of an email I wrote earlier this morning to Australia's leading provider of services to people who are blind and have low vision. In order to understand my motivation to write the letter, go and take a look at www.visionaustralia.org.
It may fall on deaf ears; I'm sure i'm not the first person who has raised this issue with them. Whenever I get braille mail from Vision Australia, it's usually a donation letter, containing a sob story about someone they have helped, and asking me, one of their clients, if I'd like to support them. Seeing their website this morning put the icing on the cake, so I decided to take some action. I'll keep you posted regarding the outcome.

To whom it may concern,

I just visited your website to search for some information on word document accessibility. Whilst looking for the appropriate link I noticed a few things on your front page of the website which concerned me as a person who is blind.

I understand that because you are a charitable organisation you need peoples’ donations, and one of the best ways to get money out of people is to pull at their heartstrings. However, I don’t think this is fair for people who are vision impaired, as I believe it further enhances the stereotype/myth that blind people are poor and helpless, unable to cope. Either that, or they’re a super blind person, doing all sorts of amazing things. Where is the middle ground here. As a blind person I find the idea of making people feel sorry for us just so an organisation can continue to afford to provide services quite offensive. Calling seeing eye dogs heroes and saying that they have “super skills”, saying that a person wouldn’t have coped if it wasn’t for Vision Australia’s help, reinforces the notion that we, people who are vision impaired, are still considered objects of charity.
I noticed one of your news headings was “Study Reveals Attitudes to Disabled Workers Remain Unchanged”. Should this not read “workers with disabilities”? If you are going to portray people who are blind/vision impaired as being either unable to cope, or super human, then I can understand why employers’ attitudes aren’t changing – the view they’re getting about us is fairly unbalanced.

I look forward to hearing from you regarding this matter.

Kind regards,
Lauren

No sunny Sunday in a tree lined park,
no stories at bedtime, or crayon art.
No famous old vintage savoured with friends,
just a means that are justified by the ends.
No dreams of a romance with the girl next door,
no future wedding to plan for.
No warm endless summer in a holiday shack,
no colours at all, just white and black,
in the mind of a bomber.

No poems of confession from a secret love,
no sweet recollections of a favourite song.
No aimless drifting a leaf on the sea,
It's a cause worth the sacrifice of deep belief.
No beauty to be forged in a work of art,
no lessons learned from a broken heart.
No wisdom from she, giver of breath,
the mother who mourns the martyr's death,
in the mind of a bomber.

No family reunion for the volunteer,
no birthday surprises, no happy new year.
No kites for the children, no flowers for the wife,
just a thirst for the taking of innocent life.
No visions of peace through the nations of man,
no ambition greater than delivery man.
No glimpse that the sword is crushed by the pen,
no complex distinctions, just us and them,
in the mind of a bomber
in the mind of a bomber.

Lyrics by Naked Raven: www.nakedraven.com

Before I launch into the subject matter of this post, I feel that I need to give you all a bit of time. For the more conservative types reading this, take a moment to pick yourselves up off the floor and recover from the shock that the title of this post may have caused. For the more liberal-minded among you, please breathe and try to overcome the “oh here we go, not another gay Christian rant” factor. Whatever opinion you hold about this issue, I’d like to ask you to be brave and stick with me.

The argument of whether or not you can be gay and a Christian is one that is painful for many on both sides of the fence. I’m not blogging about it to try and resolve the problem or to give an answer, for the question is not as black and white as many would like to think. Instead, I write to share my journey that the question has taken me on so far. It has lead me to ask some difficult questions and to be comfortable to sit with these
questions with no answers. It has given me a deeper understanding of people and taught me to see them in their brokenness as people created in God’s image, not as people to be rejected by him or by us.
So, now that you know where this is heading, are you still feeling brave enough to go on?

I’ve been friends with people who are gay since the age of about 15. Some of you will probably be reading this. * waves *
Though my parents weren’t practicing Christians until a few years ago, they had strong Christian values instilled in them from their childhoods, so I guess we were a fairly conservative family. My family and Christian friends in high school and uni were generally of the opinion that being gay wasn’t the norm, and therefore it was wrong. I remember listening to a Christian radio program that claimed that homosexuality was a disorder which could occur if someone’s parent of the opposite gender was dominating, or if the family was dysfunctional. If it wasn’t a disorder, then it was something that was a choice, not an orientation. As a young person and a relatively new Christian I was quite impressionable, and eager to learn about who God was and how his people should live. So, I usually believed what other Christians told me, particularly if they were older and
more knowledgeable and experienced. I never really thought to question what I was told; surely what these people were saying was right, because they were in positions of authority, and not
just any authority, they were called by God to be in those positions of leadership and ministry. However, the more people I met who were gay, the more I began to wonder whether what I’d been told was true. I knew a lot of people who were
heterosexuals who came from unstable families, and this hadn’t made them gay. Similarly, I knew people who were gay who came from stable families, so these theories really didn’t make much sense. Still, I remained fairly complacent about the issue until
last year.

A number of my colleagues are lesbians. During a tea break at work one day I was chatting with one of them and asked what she thought about the idea of homosexuality being a choice.
”Why would I choose something that was going to cause me to be rejected? If I had a choice I would be a heterosexual because at the moment, it is considered normal and it would make things so much easier.” She said this with a smile, but I could hear the
pain behind her words.
Another friend of mine told me about how he’d grown up going to a Catholic school where they were told that being gay was wrong. At a young age he knew he was gay; he also really enjoyed learning about God at school, but since being gay was wrong, he
thought that God would hate him. So, my friend told me, he had to make a choice between God and being gay. He chose the latter, because he didn’t feel he could change, and has since felt he wouldn’t be acceptable to the God of whom his Christian friends have preached. One of them told him being gay was a sin and that unless he believed in Jesus and changed his behaviour that he was going to Hell. When he told me of this conversation he said:
”it’s people like this who make me not want to believe in God.” Firstly, who are we to make these kinds of judgments? Secondly, assuming that homosexuality is a sin, then I’m guessing we’ll all be joining my friend in Hell for sins such as pride, greed,
jealousy, etc. “Perhaps,” I hear you say. “But as Christians we are to acknowledge these sins, seek forgiveness and turn away from them. If someone is a Christian and living also as a gay person, then clearly they are ignoring their sin and not wanting to change, so therefore, Hell is where they’ll end up.” I used to think along these lines; I’m sorry to have to admit that.

As I said earlier, I don’t want to go into the theological arguments for or against homosexuality. This work has already been done, and I will provide some links to some of these resources at the end of my post. But let me share with you some insights from gay Christians I’ve come to know this year. Second-hand stories are never quite the same as talking with people yourself, so may I encourage you to go and meet Christians who are gay. Don’t come with an agenda, don’t try and change them, but listen, really listen, to their stories.

A number of gay Christians I’ve spoken to, or whose stories I’ve read in online forums, have grown up in what we would consider ”normal” Christian families. Mum, Dad, two kids, youth group, etc. From a very early age they felt they were attracted to the same gender. Their families were not dysfunctional, they didn’t have a dominant parent and they hadn’t experienced any form of abuse or trauma. Their churches taught that being gay was a sin, so they dared not mention their feelings to anyone. Eventually
they did, after praying that God would make them straight and when no change had occurred. They joined ex-gay ministries, Christian organisations supporting gay Christians to help change their orientation. In Matt Glover’s paper “A Pastoral Response to Homosexuality in the Church”, he writes: “In my own ministry,
those that have been through ex-gay ministries time and again speak of the frustrations of failed attempts to become “straight” and the pressure they were put under to pretend they were heterosexual at the conclusion of the program. While I have also met a handful of people that live as heterosexuals after ex-gay ministry, often now married with children, private conversations still reveal their internal struggles” (Glover, 2010, p.13.)
After reading similar stories such as this, reading through theological arguments on both sides of the debate, and listening to podcasts from organisations such as the Gay Christian Network*, I decided that it was time to seek out some gay Christians, to hear their stories in person and to try and understand their experiences. I wanted to find a church that was mainstream and welcoming of people from the glbt community, rather than one which was established to minister specifically to that community.
One mild sunny morning in February I headed to a church in the cbd. I went alone, and as I made my way up the steps to the church I wondered, with much anxiety, about what was going to happen. Was I committing some huge sin by coming here? What would my
conservative Christian friends think if they knew? Should I tell them? What if they condemn me? What would God think? Would he condemn me? What if I got struck by the metaphorical lightning bolt?
The church service was fairly traditional, and not dissimilar to other services I’d been to. Homosexuality wasn’t mentioned, and the people I met after the service didn’t mention their orientation, and why should they, I thought as I made my way home. I don’t introduce myself as being heterosexual when I meet people. I’ve since met some gay Christians at this church, and through chapter meetings of Freedom 2 B*, a safe space for
people in the GLBT community from church backgrounds. A lot of Christians (including me) fall into the trap of pretending they’ve got it all together. We’re all smiles when we see each other, everything’s great. If we do talk of struggles we choose our words carefully, often framing things in Christian jargon.
One of the many things that has struck me as I’ve spent time with Christians who are gay is that they don’t tend to do this. If they’re having a shit time they’ll tell you, not to whine or to make you feel sorry for them; they’re simply being honest. They reach out to those around them with such compassion and acceptance because they have experienced so much judgment and rejection. They often find it hard to fit in with the GLBT community, because many people within that community are anti-Christian; they find it hard to fit into Christian communities because they are mostly anti-Gay, not accepting them unless they change. So where are they to go? It is groups such as Freedom 2B that have literally saved people from suicide, people who were going to end their lives because they didn’t feel they could change their orientation to be acceptable to God. I’ve heard stories from people who have cried themselves to sleep each night, asking God why he won’t change them; stories of people being thrown out of their churches, being subjected to exorcisms, of people’s families disowning them.

Surely this is not the way Jesus calls us to love our neighbours and our enemies. Isn’t it time we stopped fighting over who is right? I was saying to someone the other day that I’ve found more acceptance as a blind person in the gay Christian community than I often have with Christians in the mainstream community. People are real and genuine about their struggles and their faith, and I believe we have much to learn from them.

If you’ve made it to the end of this epic post, thanks for reading. I don’t feel that I’ve articulated my thoughts and experiences clearly, but I’m still processing all of this myself.
I’m sure there will be more posts to come.

Further Reading
* Gay Christian Network (GCN): www.gaychristian.net
GCN is an organisation in the states which is aiming to bridge the gaps between the GlBT and church communities. There are a number of resources here, including theological arguments for and against gay marriage. Note that the argument that is against gay marriage is actually written by a Christian who is gay, and has chosen to be single. GCN also run events as well as their website, and the thing I like about them is that they're inclusive of people on both sides of the argument, and are accepting and respectful of each other's positions, not trying to change the other, coming together to worship God and to strengthen one another in their faith.

* Freedom2B: www.freedom2b.org
This is an Australian website, and functions similarly to GCN.
* Matt Glover's article: you will find this in the View Resources section of the Freedom2B site.
www.musingson.com and moremusingson.blogspot.com are websites of Misty Irons, a conservative, evangelical Christian who attends a reform church. In the first website listed you can read her story of rethinking her views on homosexuality and Christianity, and the second website is her current blog. While my upbringing hasn't been quite so conservative (women aren't allowed to have positions of leadership in her church, for example), reading her sites has been extremely helpful.